Darkness
by wildfiregirl04
Summary: New Moon. Right after Edward left. Basically just Bella telling how she feels and whatnot. My first twilight fanfic so be nice.


"Darkness" A Twilight FanFic

The sun came up and there I was, standing all alone, longing for more. But there wasn't anything more. There was only darkness. A thick veil that clouded my vision and left me blind. A heavy weight that pressed against my chest and left me breathless. I was empty inside, utterly alone in a world full of strangers.

I had spent the better part of this year with him. So many things changed that couldn't even be accounted for. My outlook on life changed, what I _lived_ for changed. What I lived for had been him. But now he was gone and I had nothing to live for.

Nothing in this world is as pure as him, although he is the most dangerous creature alive – or dead. He was the reason I was still alive – literally. If he didn't exist – if he didn't love me – I would have been impaled by that stupid van months ago. That van would have killed me and I would be happily spending my days with Gran, my life ended just before it began. And my life never would have begun until I met him. He had started my life.

I never knew what I was missed until that first day he spoke to me in Biology (the class I loved more in my junior year of Forks High School). His voice, velvety, smooth, and as formal as the 1900s. He was the only person who could pull that off, speaking so precisely that anyone's heart would flutter at the sound of it. Those three simple words that started it all, his simple introduction to me.

I hadn't known it at the time, but that was the day it hit me. The intense craving for more every time I was away from him. The feeling I had now. Only I knew I'd never see him again. Not even in a picture. Just the dim memories I had that were already fading away. All I wanted was for him to come back, to make my life whole again.

But I was left empty and broken, my chest ripped and torn and my heart roaming somewhere far away wherever he was. That's probably why it is so hard, seeing as he has my heart with him. But it wasn't like I wanted it back. I love him and always would. I know there is no way for me to completely get over losing him. But as long as he was out there, my heart would still be alive, I would still be alive.

Of course he wasn't the only one I missed. I missed his whole family too, eve the one member who hated my entire existence. My best friend was gone, making me miss her crazy spiky hair and odd dance moves when she walked. I wished I could feel her cold lips on my cheek again, warming me in a strange way. And the enormous one, the one who laughed at me the most; my unofficial older brother. The whole family I grew to love. Every last one of them I missed terribly.

I could remember every last word he said to me. From the first words that were spoken from his perfectly stone lips to his last goodbye. When he said he didn't want me, it was like a light went out. I thought light was a problem in Forks (seeing as the sun hardly ever came out). But when he said those words, suddenly life was darker than Forks. But I knew he wanted me. He was just doing this for my protection. He didn't want me to be in danger anymore. But I was in danger now even without him here. I was in danger of falling apart, bring completely consumed by the pain. My breathing couldn't catch up; it was like I was running constantly and I didn't even know it.

All that mattered was that he was free. Free from having to save my miserable life for all of eternity.

But at the same time, why did I have to suffer? I wanted to be with him, I was willing to risk _everything_ to be with him. Shouldn't that be my choice? All I wanted to do was love him. And to be loved by him. But to him what I wanted didn't matter. What I _needed_ didn't matter.

And all I had now was nothing. Simply nothing. I never knew what I was missing my whole life until he left. Everything I thought made my life what it is was a lie. The only thing that made me the person I am was finding him. And now that he was gone, I was no one. Now Forks was nothing to me. Forks had only been my home when he was here, here with me.

Last night was long and treacherous. I knew I cried but eventually my eyes dried out entire. I figure there are no more tears now, my eyes drained out forever. When my body was tired enough for slumber, my mind wouldn't' allow it. the only two words that roamed around my dazed mind for a long time was simply _Why me?_

And the nightmare that came when my mind did allow sleep was equally horrifying. I was back in that forest, watching myself fall to the earth and curl in on myself. I watched in mystification as I lay there for hours, doing nothing but waiting for him to return. And then I was up and running again – something that had not happened in reality. I was running to reach him. He was always in my view but out of my reach. I never really had him to begin with; he was always one step ahead of me, preparing to break free from my weak grasp. He stood like a perfect statue, staring at me, as my attempts were useless. My hand always fell just inches away from his body, never quite able to grab him and bring him back to me. And then I woke up with a jolt, beads of sweat slipping down my temple, and it was morning.

He wouldn't have done this without a reason though. And I knew he had a logical reason. Only the only explanation I could come up with was his exact words. That he really didn't want me. And it did make sense. How could a god-like creature with flawless beauty and supernatural powers ever want – or even love – an average human that was a total klutz? It made no sense why he ever resisted ending my life in the first place. Yet I was endlessly thankful he did.

All I wanted was him back. All I wanted was for him to love me. All I wanted was for him to want me. All I wanted was Edward.

I slipped back into my bed, slumping over and closing my eyes, entering back into the endless darkness I would have to call my life.

A/N: I hoped you enjoyed it. This story just kind of came to me after my English test today when I had nothing to do. Review please. Thanks.


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